Are we in a gay sports bar?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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