Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
