When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
