so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
