hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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