talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Let's paint friendship bongs
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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