I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
