all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
