you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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