I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
