Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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