Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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