what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
