just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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