So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
