How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
