please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
