i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
