she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
