Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
