another moral hangover. fuck.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
