FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
