well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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