You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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