I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
