im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
