I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
