my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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