Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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