Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
