how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
