Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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