Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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