I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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