I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
