im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
