If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
