maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
