I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
