Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
