So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
