I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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