oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
that may or may not have been my penis.
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