My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
