She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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