So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
