True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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