What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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