I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
