I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
