Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
