Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
