remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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