Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
