Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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