; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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