I'm lost and stupid without you.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
