She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
40s are totally the cure
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
