if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
