i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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