How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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