I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
