You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
