I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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