what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
