How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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