I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
