Just fell off a train. Bad.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
